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Saturday, January 6th, 2001
4:55 pm
Oh yeah, the last post here was friends only.
If you aren't logged in and wish to read, then do so dammit.
If you don't care, move along, nothing to see here.

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Friday, December 22nd, 2000
3:26 pm
I didn't get my coursework done in time.
I got two and a half hours sleep.
My day has consisted so far of feeling like general crap and arguments.

And finding out bitch face "dear friend" Kiri broke my wand last night when I so kindly lent it to her for a fancy dress party.

*pastes on happy face*

I alwso managed to talk to my dad for once. And I got the speil about how I was going to fail myself.
Which was nice.

I suck I can't help it.

I'm tired.

I have a headache.

I need a hug.

:(

I am posting this here because everyone appears to be sick to death of me doing the typical teenage girl thing of being down. Sorry. Here, you don't have to read it.
But you can if you like.
I'll let you.

I need to go to bed.

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Sunday, December 17th, 2000
2:31 pm
:/
Ok that was not meant to rhyme

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2:25 pm
And so I crumble to the sea.

What the hell is wrong with me?

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Saturday, December 16th, 2000
11:13 pm
Maybe I should delete this.
Right now i don't need it.
I will keep that in mind.

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Wednesday, December 13th, 2000
2:53 pm
I wish I could express how I feel right now.
But I can't.
So I won't try.

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Saturday, December 2nd, 2000
9:49 pm
People are being wierd with me.
Well, I say that.
Maybe they aren't.
Maybe it is just me interpretting them wrongly.
Maybe i should just stop trying to work out what they are thinking and take what they say as what they mean.
But that would mean trust, and that would mean defences down.
And I rarely do that.
I think.
Maybe i should stop thinking.
It would make things so much easier.
I sat on the train on the way home today and thought about how much things have changed in the past few months.
And how much they will change in the coming months I am sure will be equally as much.
I am distancing myself from my friends.
I should stop.
But others are more important.
Well.
Some are.
I am probably making so many mistakes.
I just wish I could realise before they cost me.

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Thursday, November 30th, 2000
11:17 am
Things go up.

Things come down.

I really upset someone, I didn't mean to.
I can be so blind.

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Friday, November 17th, 2000
7:19 pm
He wants me.
He wants me.

And what do I do?

I say nothing.

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Wednesday, November 15th, 2000
6:59 pm
I feel collapsable
like a paper latern

But I am not tired.
Just exhausted.
Maybe it is just the inside of me.
I don't know.
He won't be around tonight.
That worsens my mood.

current mood: drained

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Tuesday, November 14th, 2000
7:46 pm
Time repeats
things happen again
don't let it be the same

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2:43 pm
I think I falling on love again.
Why am I so stupid?
Yes I want this.
Yes I want someone.
But this guy is, well, he's great
Really great.
I should watch my step.
I haven't met him yet.
Who knows what could happen?
I have to keep my head.
But i want him so much.
I was safety.
And reassurance.
And someone to hold me rather than see how far they can push.
I am begining to wonder if that is beyond most men.
I hope not.
I want this one to be different.
And he is....
So far.

current mood: loved

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Saturday, November 11th, 2000
1:12 pm
and the hunt begins
will I be found?
I hope not

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Friday, November 10th, 2000
10:36 pm - And i turn and walk away
the end of an era, I close a door, I chose a new path and I go on.
No love lost.
No hearts broken.
Just a few bitter moments.
But all will be well.
I can feel it.

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4:01 pm
But i am not bitter.

Honest

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3:59 pm
Oh yes
and he is going to stay with his ex for a while.
Why do I always fall in love with the wrong fucking ones?

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3:50 pm
Today has been another one of those days.
People stress me out.
And BB can never help.
I can tell exactley what he will say before he says in.
Like a recorded message.
Or something he just cuts and pastes, into everything.
I don't think he really cares.
Not really.
I realised hat.
What led me to unrealise it?
Blindness.
A hopeless dream.
The things I always want but can never have.
Never.
I met someone new.
I like this guy.
I spent way too much of today thinking about him.
This is bad.
I will get bored.
The poor guy
: /
Best not to tell I suppose.

I have a migraine.
I have had enough.
*skulks off to cry*

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Sunday, November 5th, 2000
7:37 pm
Okay I haven't felt the need to post for a while
if ever
I am seeing him again
I wish I could be allright and my normal balancesd like ha ha yeah right self
but I'm not
it makes me angry
and I don't know why
is it always going to be like this with him?

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Sunday, October 29th, 2000
11:45 am
I dreamt of him last night.
But not the way it was, he rejected me, he's never done that before.
Maybe it's a warning.

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Saturday, October 28th, 2000
9:25 pm
I have to move on.
I have to realise how bad it is that I am still hanging onto him.
I can't.
I can't live with the way he brings me down any more.
It's not worth risking myself, even for him.
I have to leave it behind.
No more contact.
I swear.
I have never been more sure of anything in my life.

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